Brief background to this story:
I'm 54 and I live in the north east of England, I was given up for adoption at birth, very common in the 60's as unmarried mothers were seen as a shame on the family and often had no independent means of raising a child so needed family support.
I always knew I was adopted and I suspect I used it as an excuse for a lot of poor behaviour, both as a child and as an adult. I'm much better behaved now you'll be pleased to read, although I'm sure my wife would like to suggest not yet perfect!
I knew my birth mother's name was Eileen Peacock and she'd been shipped off to Hackney to have me to keep it secret from the rest of the family. I have spent years join libraries and in records rooms trying to find her but even though I found out some details I could never find where she was living or even if she was still alive!
At the beginning of this year I responded to an advert from Long Lost Families, a TV show that reconnects relatives. They were absolutely wonderful, incredibly sensitive, quite probing but always very supportive. After a couple of interviews over the phone and via Skype they agreed to take on my case! I sent them all the information I had gathered and tried to put it out of my mind. We continued to have some contact, just checking dates and things but they went off and did what the do!
Two weeks ago, I received a phone call from Charlotte, an independent social worker employed by Wall to Wall productions - she started with "I've got some news" and "is there someone in the house with you for when this call is over!"
I had agreed with the production company that they would be allowed to film any news given to me so I assumed that this could only be bad news - au contraire! They had found Eileen, she was very keen to be in touch but didn't want to be on the TV (neither did I but I was prepared to pay that price if they could find her for me!) I was overwhelmed, truly overwhelmed with the feelings I had, I wanted to yell and cry in equal measure. Charlotte told me a few more details but not a great deal and suggested I write a brief letter to Eileen, just to tell her a little about myself. I had two real motivations for wanting to find Eileen, firstly I wanted to just make that connection and find out the usual stuff, what do my family look like and do I look like them, is there any history of insanity!, what was my Dad like etc. Chiefly though, I wanted to tell her I was fine, happy and I've generally lived a charmed life. I can only try and imagine how hard it must be to give up a baby, I have three children of my own and i know how important they are in my life! I wanted her to be ok with the decision and hopefully give her some peace if it had been missing.
I sent her a brief potted history of the Barker clan and my journey to 54 and a couple of photos. Next day came her response which was moving but I knew I'd like her straight away, she had a sense of humour, a nice easy writing style and was clearly a bright and articulate woman (Would it have mattered if she wasn't these things? I don't think so but I think they will help bind us together more easily!) I was moved that she spoke of thinking of me often, that was important to me, not sure why!
Anyway, having the patience of a two year old, I proposed a meeting which she was happy to do and so last weekend Debbie and I made our way down to Cirencester. My friends and family who I'e spoken to about this have been so positive and supportive and interested, quite a few said "You must be quite nervous!" Turns out not a bit, it felt very natural and I already knew we'd get on fine! I dropped Debbie at our hotel and pulled up outside her house with some flowers. I'm not sure I knew what to expect, I'd seen a picture and we'd exchanged a few emails by this time; I think I might have been expecting a transformative moment when I saw her, 54 years of wanting this moment to happen, years of playing out the scenario with her and me at various ages, but all blurred by the fear of dashed expectations! I don't recall feeling much other than, be yourself Greg. Oh and don't forget to breathe!
An then she was there, a sparky and spunky 70 something little women, calming her dogs down and giving me a hug - a hug much much longed for and dreamed of and missed! Joy! No Hallelujah Chorus, no Ready Brek glow just ..... right!
We spent an hour in the garden, thank God she smokes, drinking tea and just chatting, like friends catching up after a long time. I picked up Debbie and brought her back - turns out they get on like a house on fire - no surprise there! Eileen had lost her daughter a few years ago and I think having a women the same age around was lovely for her. We went for a meal and ended up chatting 'till around 1am. We talked about our families, our lives, politics (turns out she's a little right of Attilla the Hun and a fan of Thatcher and Farage!) but I can live with that as she seemed able to live with my hero worshipping Scargill and Lenin!
In bed Debbie said "Imagine, for the first time in your life you're going to sleep knowing your mum!" It felt good.
Next day my lovely daughter Katie, her husband the gorgeous Fred and my beautiful grandchildren Lila and Rose met up with us and Eileen and we had a magical few hours, incredibly natural and easy. I've made a little clip of the photos we took, I say we because Lila and Rose took most of the pictures so some are little random, but I love them and this will stay as a treasured memory for me.
We have arranged to go down with my boys at Christmas and i hope to get the chance to meet some more of my new family - though I'm sure it is quite a shock for them - I'm a shock for most people let alone people who are related to me! We will definitely stay in touch, Eileen may even come out to visit me when I move to China! I'm not sure what'll happen next but I'm sure we'll stay connected now we've found each other and I know Debbie and Katie will keep it going while I'm away - thank God for the women in my life!
If you know anyone adopted or are indeed adopted yourself it's worth knowing that sometimes tracing your family can work out like this - but I know not always! I'd prepared for the worst I think so this is such a magical bonus! Thanks for reading if you've stuck it out to the end!
I'll write some more as the story develops!
Greg
